A Tale of Two Attorneys

A little play in one act, for one actor.


This little one-act drama, banned from DeLand by personal order of His Honor Mayor Rigsby, is designed to entertain and educate. Though it features two characters, it is uniquely suited for presentation by a singularly small theater company. One player will require as properties two black hats, each bearing a large label. One should say ‘‘City Attorney’’, the other ‘‘Investor’’.

To make the action easier to follow, the actor should wear the first black hat when playing Mark Zimmerman, City Attorney, the other black hat when playing Mark Zimmerman, Investor.

Disclaimer: The play is a dramatization of the tough negotiations between Mark Zimmerman, City Attorney, and Mark Zimmerman, Investor. The playwright is a trained writer. Under no circumstances should you attempt these actions at home, or using real money.


MZi: It is the best of times to be an investor. Things are looking bright, and I think I smell a good deal.

MZa: It is the worst of times to be a city. Our downtown movie house sits empty!

MZi: Well, I think we might work something out that would be reasonably profitable.

MZa: It would sure be nice. How about if you invest in that property, refurbish it, and make it a going concern?

MZi: Well, I don’t know. Is there a profit in it?

MZa: Depends on how good a businessman you are.

MZi: Could you guarantee that there’s a profit in it?

MZa: You do understand that I have a fiduciary responsibility to the City, which is my client. I can’t just give away the store.

MZi: Yes, but you know that you and me go back a long way.

MZa: Well, all right, seeing as how we are good friends. I’ll have my client guarantee a profit for you.

MZi: How about arranging some grant money, too?

MZa: No problem. Taxpayers like funding grants because it’s like pretending it’s Christmas and they’re Santa Claus. How much do you want?

MZi: Well, I’d like $200,000.

MZa: Such an awkward amount. Why don’t you take a quarter of a million instead?

MZi: OK, you’ve talked me up to it. Oh, Mark! What a tough negotiator you are.

MZa: Just doing my job, Mark.

MZi: Another thing, though. I have a friend who could use a little extra money.

MZa: Is he influential?

MZi: He hopes to be, soon.

MZa: How do you think he’d like a no-bid contract on the roof?

MZi: Could you get the City to let him use the fire truck to inspect it?

MZa: As the City Attorney, I must insist on a promise that there won’t be a fire while the equipment is tied up. We place this condition on all contractors who are getting free use of our expensive fire equipment.

MZi: Well, OK Mark, I promise. You really are looking out for the City! Oh! One other thing...

MZa: What is it, Mark?

MZi: Well, Mark, it’s [whispers] Psst. Psst. Psst.

MZa: Well, all right, but we’d better keep that part our little secret until next year. People might be sore. Just wouldn’t understand, you know.

MZi: No problem. I’ll look better, too, if I don’t come across as greedy.

MZa: OK, then, it’s a deal. Shake on it.
[shakes hands with self.]

[entire company takes bow, to thunderous applause.]

This is a dramatization of hard-fought negotiations between the City Attorney and the Investor. The author is a trained writer, and again you are reminded not to duplicate the acts depicted herein at home or using real money.

Fake Disclaimer
The characters are here are real persons and are in no wise the creatures of the author's imagination. Any resemblence between the City Attorney and the Investor are purely intentional. Any resemblence between the mysterious party who got a no-bid contract on the roof and (now) Commissioner Bone is of course purely because it was he who got the contract.

Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
This material is a paid political advertisement provided by

Tanner Andrews,
P.O. Box 1208,
DeLand 32721
independent of any candidate or committee. No candidate has approved this material. Disclosures are filed timely with the Supervisor's office.

from @(#)dld9304a.txt 1.0b 20-Feb-1994

proc with hmac.ta2